Friday I started a long-overdue clear-out in my studio.
If you know me at all, you know this is big news. If you don’t, let me tell you why.
Like many visually-creative people, I am a lover of Stuff. All sorts of Stuff: stuff that is beautiful to look at (a carved elephant, a magpie’s iridescent feather), Stuff that is interesting or unusual (a 1907 Singer treadle sewing machine), Stuff that represents a place or memory (a filigree birdcage from Tunisia, a UBC Varsity Rowing jacket), but most of all, Stuff That Might Be Useful For Making Things.
I like not only to have Stuff, but also to be able to see my Stuff. This makes me happy. There is always something interesting or beautiful or memorable on which to rest my eyes, and when I come to create something I can see all the options available to me and reach for the one that calls me most.
Of course, this means that our house is… , well, let’s just say that minimalists would have nightmares. Interior designers would shudder at the sheer randomness of it. The House Doctor would sniff and say, “Hmm,” in that horrified voice of hers. But Stuff-lovers – oh, Stuff-lovers like me think it’s great! “Oh,” they say, “You have such interesting things!” and “You can tell you’re creative from your house!” All this is fine and good and I’m not planning on going all Le Corbusier in this lifetime.
The downside of being a Stuff-lover (and of course, there’s always a downside), is that it gets harder and harder to be discerning about your Stuff. The longer you collect Stuff, the harder it becomes to distinguish what’s really beautiful, interesting, memorable or most importantly, useful for making things. Because, let’s face it: almost anything can be used to make something. So you keep collecting Useful Stuff for Making Things on the basis that yes, I could use that in this idea for that project I had the other day!
Before you know it, you have a “studio” that looks like this (squeamish viewers look away now):
Just try working in here!
And the problem with that is that you now have so much stuff that you haven’t actually got room to use any of it. Creative FAIL.
I’ve been struggling with this for literally years now, ever since I started branching out from just making quilts into dyeing, surface design, fabric painting and embroidery. Each new technique and potential direction needs new materials, new media, new references and new ways to store ideas. And each one has put additional strain on the small back bedroom I laughingly call my studio.
I don’t know what it was about Friday, but suddenly, there it was, the desire – no, actually, more like a need – to finally do something significant about it. Significant in this case equals Getting Rid of Stuff (crossing arms and waving garlic about in a panic). Aieeee!
For a Stuff-lover, this is akin to brutally crushing the sweet little puppies your beloved dog has just birthed while she watches you with the Eyes of Trusting Devotion. Oh, the pain! Oh, the betrayal of all that Useful Stuff!
You, O Minimalist-Lover-of-Simplicity, you think I’m exaggerating. I’m not.
Because for a Stuff-lover, we’re not just letting go of the stuff itself. We’re also letting go of the Things We Will Never Make With It. No matter that mostly we didn’t even know what they might’ve been. No matter that we can almost certainly get more stuff just like it should we ever need to. No, what matters is the loss of the potential in that stuff. The loss of what they might have been or meant or signified to us. And that loss hurts.
So spare a thought for us lovers of Stuff when we finally, at long last, after all your hinting, suggesting and nagging, decide to clear out some of our Stuff. It’s not easy. We’re grieving.
Here’s what I’m grieving right now:
- 354 quilting and needlework magazines (17 years, saved as ‘reference’ in case I ever took up teaching quilting)
- 1 broken quilting hoop (saved because ‘all it needs is a couple of wood staples’ even though I have another one)
- 24 various plastic bottles (saved for storing dyes when I considered going into production hand dyeing)
That was the easy Stuff. I still have the hard Stuff – fabric, materials, abandoned projects – to get to.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh Fi! I could sing this song with you!
I am a Stuff-lover through and through too. It IS so hard to let go of that potential we see in everything. What a gift and a curse it is!
so good of you to recognize and give time for the grieving.
Hugs!
Yes! Grieving! Exactly!
I’ve always had the uncomfortable feeling that getting rid of stuff is an Important Life Skill that I simply lack (but that would become laughably easy if I Just Got Over Myself, tee em). Thank you for reframing it such that I don’t have to feel like a self-indulgent idiot
Now, I wonder if this fresh understanding would translate into any greater ease with the jettison button? Hmmmmm.
Fi-
I’m so with you on grieving the loss of the stuff you might have made with the stuff you are letting go of.
I recently heard a great question to ask when contemplating keeping/tossing various stuff: is this supporting the person I am today? This is such a helpful question for me because so much of my stuff is about the person I was once upon a time, or the person I imagine or hope I’ll be one of these days.
So here’s to the person you are today, and having (and finding!) the stuff you need for your life right now.
You rock so much. I am so proud and happy for you!
We cleared our house to move and I let go of most of my craft stuff…
And now I feel like I could fly!!!
I have been going through a similar process. Watching Hoarders really helped me to see where I was holding on to things for emotional reasons, and I have been able to purge a bunch of things which no longer serve who I am today. It hasn’t been easy, there is grieving involved, and I am working on loving myself rather than beating myself up for saving all this for so long and not using it. I also am having to take it in stages. We spent the first 2 weeks of DH’s summer break purging purging purging, then my brain shut down and I ended up taking a week to process internally all that we had gone through in the external. Of course I didn’t realize that’s what it was until the week had gone by and I wondered what was going on.
Shiva Nata and Havi’s processes do help so much. I wish you the best in your process.
Fi, what an amazing thing you’ve done! Not just the removal of Stuff, and the beginning of the grieving process, but the act of putting into words all those feelings that come up when creative folks ponder Stuff.
This is a fantastic post, and although this is coming from a total stranger, I’m so impressed by and proud of you for the post and the work that went into it. Give yourself a major high-five (and some time) for this “easy stuff” and please keep us posted on how it goes with the hard Stuff.
Ooo, thank you guys for sharing my grief!
@Laura – “gift and curse” is exactly right. Sometimes I’m sorry for people who have pristine, spare and ordered spaces. Other times I want to be them.
@Léan – ha, me too on the feeling it’s a skill I never learned. Or even a genetic disposition I didn’t get (certainly my dad was worse than I am even). Nature or nurture, I wonder?
@Liz – that really is a good question to ask. Sometimes, it becomes obvious that the Stuff is about Past You. Then it’s easier. But other times it’s harder, because you’re hoping it might be about Future You. Then it’s harder because getting rid can become about letting go of dreams as well as stuff.
@Leonie – I was pretty sure you could fly already. Are you telling me it’s not so??
@Andi – I’ve also taken a week or so without throwing anything else out, and today have managed to go back in and take another look. There are still more magazines (just found them – I’m sure they breed) to go out, and am starting to feel like I could maybe approach my fabric stash soon… .
@Catherine – thank you! All high fives and back pats gratefully accepted by this lover of Stuff.
O.k. it was bit of bunny trail finding this lovely post, but I’m glad I did. I’m starting my own clearing out (and grieving!) and this was comforting to read.
Thanks for writing.
Ooooh, I’ll take the fabric off your hands!
Wait. No. I don’t mean that. Really. I have enough.
Sigh.
Your bravery will be rewarded with great bouts of creative inspiration.
OMG! You have just summed up a huge chunk of my life in one paragraph!
“Because for a Stuff-lover, we’re not just letting go of the stuff itself. We’re also letting go of the Things We Will Never Make With It. No matter that mostly we didn’t even know what they might’ve been. No matter that we can almost certainly get more stuff just like it should we ever need to. No, what matters is the loss of the potential in that stuff. The loss of what they might have been or meant or signified to us. And that loss hurts.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting into words what I knew, but never knew until now.
This will make my own much-needed clearing-out so much easier.
Again, thank you.
A fellow stuff saver (artist) sent this to me. I LOVE it. It is perfect and so hits the nail on the head. I’m going to share it over on FB. And probably blog about it this week. Because, as I said, it is perfect. We are grieving what might have been. We are there with you (I just worked through my office, my jewelry room, my garage and basement studio and my shed. I SO get this!). I’m also going to subscribe. And I see we have Leah Piken Kolidas in common too.
p.s You bannerhead is amazing!
@Bullwinkle – sorry about the bunny trail! Glad you found it worthwhile in the end. Good luck with the letting go of stuff.
@Venus – hehe; I think I’ll be putting some on Etsy, so you’ll have your chance to add to your stash. Or to resist, if that’s the wiser choice!
@Birdy – lots of people seem to be finding those words make sense to them. Funny thing is, I’d never articulated it either until I sat down to write this post. So maybe we all sorta know it but don’t really understand why it’s so hard to let go.
@Tammy – thank you! Feel free to share wherever you like. We Stuff-lovers need solidarity in our grief! The site banner is from Hamadryad: Oak (if you’re interested, there’s a notecard of her in my shop).
PS. I adore Leah.
I’m trying to find an eloquent way to say yes! yes! yes!
With a household of two creative people and piles of Stuff That Might Be Useful For Making Things, I’m resonating with this big and loud.
Also, for a future drama teacher, there’s the Stuff That Would Make Excellent Props One Day pile. It’s in the Might, the Could, the Would that the potential lies. Thank you!