So I’ll come clean.

I’ve been in a bit of a funk.

It’s true. Oh yes.

For most of October, despite it being my favouritest month ever, I’ve been feeling pretty much paralysed by doubt and fear.

Were I living in a war zone, or Neanderthal times, or I don’t know, amongst brain-eating zombies or something, this might actually have been a sensible thing – doubt and fear, that is. But alas, I have been in my relatively comfortable little life with my drives-me-crazy-but-I-love-him-anyway partner and the Two Bad Dogs who are sometimes very good. So the doubt and fear aren’t actually coming from anything that might be, you know, actually scary or threatening.

We’re talking doubt and fear that is much more subtly insidious. The artistic kind.

You know it. Yes, you do –

• doubt that anyone will ever want to pay enough for my work to recompense the materials it took to make it, let alone the time, or hahaha the skill.
• doubt about my style, my visual voice; doubt about my subject matter; doubt about the appeal of themes that appeal to me
• doubt that textiles are the right medium for me, or that the medium and the subject and style marry up.
• doubt that I have enough passion to be an artist. Artists make art. I just think about it. A lot.
• fear that I’ll never have the requisite energy and stamina to earn an income doing this. Because you need perseverance and persistence and I feel I have neither. And I get so damn tired all the time – tired, tired, tired.
• fear that if I can’t ‘make this work’ somehow, it’ll just prove that I was never ‘good enough’.
• fear that if I live the dream of being an artist and it doesn’t work out, what will I have left to dream about?

You can see how with all that swilling around in my head, I’ve been finding it hard, hard, hard to actually sit down and work on anything creative. Because, well, “what if… ?”

Last week I could’ve written this post and left it here. And how depressing would that have been for you, dearest readers? But, my best beloveds, there Has Been A Breakthrough! Yes!

Last week I took this doubt and fear and shared it with the wonderful, creative, clever and supportive folks at Havi’s Kitchen Table. I asked if anyone else ever felt such doubt and fear that it stopped them moving forward, even when they wanted to be following their dream. And they, bless them, said, “Yes! Me too! I know this!”

And then I saw that my lovely, talented friend, Leah Piken Kolidas (@leah_art) of Creative Every Day was getting ready to run her annual challenge Art Every Day Month. She’s run it for years, and it started as an artistic alternative to National Novel Writing Month. No guilt, just encouragement to make something arty, no matter how small, every single day throughout November. It’s not about ‘shoulds’ but about fun:

The idea is to bring more creativity into your life, not to make you feel overwhelmed, pressured or guilt-stricken.

And then I chatted to my bff* Bren Boardman, artist/mentor/generally cool chick, and mentioned being stuck, and also told her about Art Every Day Month… and being Bren, and generally much more decisive than Fi, she said, “Okay, let’s do it! Where do I sign up?”

So we did. (You can too by emailing Leah from that page.) And then I tweeted about it, and Jane Dávila (@janedavila) – who’s a Real Artist and kinda famous in art quilty fibre circles and I swoon whenever she notices me – read my tweet and decided to play too. So how cool is that?

November should be very exciting now. Lots to do.

So, the moral of the story (for all you skim readers) – how to break an artistic funk in three (sorta but not necessarily) easy steps

1. Share your fears
2. Challenge yourself
3. Play without guilt

And now, I have dyeing to do. See you laters.

*bff: Best Friends Forever (do I have to explain everything?)

Tagged as: AEDM, being an artist, self-doubt