Change stirs hope
I’ll be honest, best beloveds. It’s been a tough time, the last year or so.
Amongst other things, I’ve come to realise that my Adventures in Depression include a not-at-all-small element that seems influenced by weather and light levels. And since we’ve had the wettest summer and autumn (2012) followed by the longest, coldest winter/so-called-spring in oh-I-don’t-know-maybe-forever, that’s been challenging. I’ve been pretty much just keeping my head down and putting one step in front of the other. Not so much to move forward, but simply to stop going backwards.
So this post isn’t about art, because I haven’t been making any. Beloveds, I haven’t even been doodling since before Christmas. I know!
But, if there’s one aphorism I cleave to, it’s this one: This too shall pass.
Because it always does. Things always change. And, although it’s not always better after things change, it is at least different. If you get bored easily, this is a Good Thing™. I often get bored easily.
So this is a post about change. It’s also about optimism.
As a naturally melancholic individual, I often struggle to be optimistic. I can see all the downsides, the potential problems, the impossibilities, the hairy-scary nightmare scenarios that the Goblin Horde are so fond of pointing out. I find it particularly difficult to be optimistic about the big stuff: finances, friendships, freedom, the future.
And yet, if there is one thing that brings out my weedy, underdeveloped optimism, it’s the scent of change in the air. Like woodsmoke drifting on a September breeze, or the first chlorophyll-laden scent of mown grass in April, there is something about knowing things are going to be different – somehow – that perks me up and gives me hope.
So, I suppose that in some weird way, that makes me an eternal optimist; there is always change, and change stirs hope.
Don’t get me wrong – I certainly fear change sometimes. Sometimes it fairly makes me quiver in terror, especially if my goblins are very vocal in their fears. But at the same time, I often feel enormous relief that here, at last, is another chance to make things a little bit better, a little more interesting or satisfying or (forgive the hippy speak) congruent. And that’s inspiring.
At the moment, I feel change in the air.
There are plenty of loud goblin voices raising objections to any ideas or suggestions or plans or tiny tendrils of enthusiasm.
There is some confusion and disorganisation and scattered wisps of hope floating around in the mental fog.
There is a lot of fear too, particularly financial worry.
But there are also teeny tiny turtle steps of action.
I have started vegetable seeds: beans, peas, courgette, squash, and tomatoes. Salad and herbs to come.
I have started the long-overdue redesign and renovation of our garden.
I have started to clear out and re-plan our little home office room.
I have started a redesign for this website and decided to open up more of my life and interests here, eclectic though it may be. Let all the Fi’s be known!
And I have written this post, the first in nine months.
Go me.
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